Lately I’ve been really struggling with my future career path – should I continue on to get my Ph.D. and become a communications/media studies professor? Do I go to library school to become an academic librarian? Do I go to seminary? Do I stop going to school altogether? I’ve become quite frustrated at times not knowing what to do or where to go, and find myself wishing I knew my future plans. It would just make things so much easier.
I’ve realized (read: been convicted) that at the root of the issue is trust, or lack thereof. I haven’t been trusting God in his complete and perfect sovereignty over all things, including my life. I have been giving lip service to God’s power but in my heart still trying to wrestle control away from him to give myself sovereignty. I stand convicted by God’s word that truly is “living and active; sharper than any double-edged sword, penetrating even to dividing soul and spirit…judging the thoughts and attitudes of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12). I have not been diligent in memorizing Scripture lately, but I’m thankful for the verses that came to mind and convicted me of my sins of anxiety, pride, and distrust of God’s perfect plan while encouraging and assuring me of his sovereignty over all.
Psalm 139:16, 23, 24 – All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be…Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (niv)
Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (esv)
Proverbs 3:5-8 – Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. (niv/esv)
I don’t know what the future holds, but I am confident God has me right where he wants me, and I need to trust in his perfect plan for the future. As the hymn writer E.S. Hall wrote, “I may not know the way I go, but oh, I know my Guide.”